My Fake Self

This is sooo me.. You very well depicted my feelings & unfolded current phase of my life in words.

Live Your Dreams 24/7

For the world I wear new smiles everyday
Each grin that I borrow, in tears is how I repay
I may look happy, but inside its grimace that lay
Covering my true self is now the only way!

There’s none who knows what goes on inside
A tough task it was but I managed to somewhat hide
Not a single man is there, in whom I can confide
Bit by bit the piled up gloom eats away my pride…

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M0NEY.

Yes you got it right. This post is going to be all about money and its value in this world. Though money isn’t everything but everything needs money. Without money you cannot move a single step ahead. Though, it gives purpose, value, significance to life. I see beggars on the roads. at the same time I also see all the high class spendthrifts living in posh areas, flaunting their style in a carefree manner in the malls of metro cities. I find myself in awe how money drives people in every field of life. How money plays the key role in a person’s living and lifestyle. The beggars are seen in that condition due to money. Posh people are seen in that level again due to money. Middle class people struggle to live their life and just struggle for money day in and day out. From dawn to dusk, everyone ‘s move has the single most significant motive of every single step they take- Money. Money drives crazy to the people also who are into burglary, dacoity and all such nuisance creators in the society.

Again, Money also plays a key role in matrimony. One of the first things that come to bride’s parents is ..ladka kitna kamaata hai!? LADKE WAALE KITNE SAMPATI WAALE HAIN!? Blahh blahh! Without money, probably I could not have been able to type these words on money right now. Without money, probably my parents could not be able to make me able to type these words.

But I wonder why such basic things are also dependent on money? Why money is everything? Without money I cannot travel to places even if I love visiting places..That needs a huge cost to be spent. Again at the same time, I also want to donate to orphanages, adopt at least 2 children and take up their whole responsibility, donate to the street beggars  some clothes, food items at least during weekends, build toilets for the slum areas at my home town. But where do I get money for all this? Also I want to lead a good decent life: good house, a vehicle, etc etc. But again MONEY!!!! UFFF!!!! The source for every damn thing!! I think I will go crazy thinking about all this and not being able to materialize. Being a human being I personally believe in “Vasudeiva Kutumbakam”.

But then I feel pity for people in remote areas who still do not have their villages connected with roads to towns or cities, lack of proper transportation system, education for their children, electricity facility, etc. I feel really bad when the picture of old woman walking miles bare foot flashes in front of my eyes, even if just for a moment. I want to do something for these people!! Alas!! Again the reason behind this is Money!!! On either of the side! Though I agree government is on its way to eradicate all these grass root level issues. But I as an individual too want to contribute to this! Arrgghhh!! Moneyyyy!!!!

I wonder how this basic feeling of equality among all human beings lacks in human beings itself!! But then, again the reason is Money!!! Dear Money, Why are you everything?

The most expensive drink in the world

In Others' Words...

“The cost of a thing is the amount of

what I will call life

which is required to be exchanged for it,

immediately or in the long run.”

Henry David Thoreau

I saw something on tv recently about the most expensive drink in the world.  It cost something like $14,000 for one cocktail.  I immediately went to a place of judgment.  How could ANYONE justify spending that much on one drink?

Hm.

When I first got sober all I could think about was the fact that I would never get to drink again.  I mean, how was that even possible?  How do you do Christmas without champagne?  How do you get through summer without beer?  How do you celebrate? How do you commiserate?  How do you get that instant stress de-escalation that comes when the alcohol hits your bloodstream?

I remember the first time I felt that.  I was eleven…

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What Next!?

Done with studies? At least with Masters..WHAT NEXT!?

Whether or not I should get married, NOW? How to go about this marriage thing? Time to settle down or to take some more time? What if things move the other way round? How to tackle things and more importantly the emotional self..that would be the greatest part ever that only self can understand deeply. Blood will be found split in the battleground. What about all those uneasiness, anxiety, fear. That feeling will be firmly unshaken.It will be AGONISING.

How to go about meeting the expectations of parents? How to manage and bridge the generation gap between parents & us? How to hit a six  without hurting them? What about the personal interests, goals & motives? How to figure out what language can be used in order to make them understand?

In all this process the pathetic part is how money plays the key role. Without it, moving an inch forward is just next to impossible. Again its a fact that after a certain period it feels pathetic to be dependent on your family. Its more complicated if you are a dad-less child and mom being a home maker. Speak of any competitive exam you require huge fund to find yourself through it. And if you step into a bottom-notch any private sector..compromising with the kind of vacancy they need it to be fulfilled not something the kind of job you want to get into. Why? Coz you want to be independent of your family and at the same time need money. And after a period of time you will simply end up feeling Dude!! Where am I? What exactly am I doing?

While you still find yourself having inclination towards higher degree..But then the worst part is once you taste & experience self-earned money..you just find yourself addicted to it. Unless you are an exception.

Stuck somewhere in between this.

The bestest part ever is FIND yourself the luckiest one if you have  the most supportive boyfriend! EVER! Probably he is going to be the pathbreaker for me!

The inconsiderate leaving of tears.

A Girl Of Her Words.

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Part 6.

there are many ways to cry:
whimpering. weeping. howling.
bawling. sobbing. wailing.

do not ask me how,
ask my body that’s silently shook,
and violently trembled,
and desperately begged,
and made friends with pillows.

meet my eyes.
and deep crescents of dusk nestled.
they well tell you, the cries are gone.

now, what?

what happens when grief unlearns its language?
the hurt remains, the guest overstaying its welcome.

but people demand proof.
show me your pain;
they want to see your pain.

but the pain did no leave with the tears.
how inconsiderate.

(read the series in its entirety here)

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dukkha

something to tell

walking-buddha-and-profile

This morning with sleepy eyes, I read a helpful article, courtesy of Facebook.  Not all articles I read are helpful but this one was.  It was basically very simple, 3 Buddhist beliefs (there’s always 3, or 7 or 10 principles that can magically transform your life but these 3, I liked) that could speak to us all universally, regardless if we practiced Buddhism in our lives or not.  Last night my heart was heavy when I went to bed, but I held on to the knowing that had proven true in the past — in that nothing stays the same and all things shift.  Sometimes clichés, tediously over-used as they can be, do offer some solace.  So this morning I did indeed awake to a lighter sense of being, and it wasn’t because I hadn’t had breakfast yet; I don’t normally anyway, not till I get in to work.  But…

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the idea of perfection is inhumane

something to tell

pabloneruda_poetofthepeople5

Two people meet and fall in love. Then they marry, and the real Sam or Suzy begins to show through the fantasy, and, boy, is it a shock. So a lot of little boys and girls just withdraw their anima or animus. They get a divorce and wait for another receptive person, pitch the woo again, and, uh-oh, another shock. And so on and so forth.
Now the one undeniable fact: this disillusion is inevitable. You had an ideal. You married that ideal, then along comes a fact that does not correspond to that ideal. You suddenly notice things that do not quite fit with your projection. So what are you going to do when that happens? There’s only one attitude that will solve the situation: compassion. This poor, poor fact that I married does not correspond to my ideal; it’s only a human being. Well, I’m a human being…

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Be kind, Rewind.

Kintsukuroi

“To be of good quality, you have to excuse yourself from the presence of shallow and callow minded individuals.”
 – Michael Bassey Johnson 

There is a dire need to differentiate a human being from the average ape. How else would Darwin justify his theory of evolution?

Shunting aside the usual bits and pieces we were taught in Zoology classes, the one thing that differentiates you, from being a star in the Planet of the Apes reboot, is etiquette. And in my book, if you don’t have manners or etiquette, you deserve to be handled by a zookeeper.

As a child, you were taught that “Manners maketh man”. Unfortunately, our disdain for proper English, could be cited as a proper reason understanding the most basic of manners. Us Desis, have perfected the fine art and exact science, of making the uncouth look mainstream. We have become so adapted to mediocrity that…

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Why do I Love Her?

Misc.

It’s a question my girlfriend always asked me and the conversation went like this..

She: Tell me one thing ,why do you love me so much?

Me – I love the way you are. (The usual answer)

She: What do you mean?

She: How am I?

She: Define the way you see me as.

Me: You’re the one who loves me, understands me and cares for me.

She: Thank you. But u haven’t answered how do you see me as. Who am I?

Me: You’re beautiful.

She: I know that. What’s next?

Me: Well, you’re understanding, caring and so loving.

She: You still are not answering my question. OK Let me simply the question. What makes you love me, what do you feel?

Me: umm
Me: You’re the one who makes me want to be a better man.

Me: Your one kiss on my lip makes me sleep sound and…

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